Snail Bee

Ummm. I bought the snail bee cream. I totally went for it. The sample felt like butter and smelled like what I can only imagine snails smell like. Maybe toasted snail. But the cream itself was fantastic. It held moisture better than anything else I've tried, I swear. I was bummed when the sample was all out! So I once again found myself swirling down the Korean product spiral.

But let's back up so I can talk about another one of the samples I got in that package. It was one of those full sheet face masks that looks scary and aggressive. Fancy right?

It's really just a paper towel type thing marinating in whatever solution was in the envelope (full disclosure - I'm not sure what was in it and I was equally willing to put it on my face). Don't I look thrilled?

I'm putting it all out there for you guys. This is how you know I love you. I started laughing looking at myself and the sheet started to slide off my face so this is me trying not to smile. I also considered creeping up on Russell while he was sleeping and scaring him but I figured that was a good way to get karate chopped in the neck. 

Yeah I think that was the right call.

Ok so back to snail bee. I did some research on where to buy Korean products because as much as I'm joking around about it I did want to know a little more about what I was getting into. There are a few online stores operated here in the US - I looked at SokoGlam and Peach and Lily which had the products I was looking for. Apparently Urban Outfitters sells a lot of Korean products too! But I wound up going back to the shop I used actually in Korea, W2Beauty. Their prices are better and there's free shipping to the US ... somehow ... so I put my big girl pants on and waited an extra week or so in exchange for paying half as much. HALF! And as far as I can tell that's not an error in exchange rate. As far as I can tell, I said. So far. 

The snail bee cream I actually bought is not the same as the sample. Instead, I read some reviews and wound up buying a well-known brand called Mizon Multi Function Formula - All in One Snail Repair Cream. Just for context, I paid $20.19, while Peach and Lily charges $38.00. Also, I like to read the name not as "All in One" Snail Repair Cream, but rather as "All in One Snail" Repair Cream. These are special snails, people. 

As I keep reading it seems as though Koreans use so many products - as in, 10-14 every morning and night - because each product has a specific purpose, rather than all the multi-purpose products we see in the US. Which totally contradicts the idea of the "All in One" cream I bought, and further supports my hypothesis that it's really all in one snail. Anyway, I decided to also buy a serum by Mizon, because I've also read that it's better to stay within one brand if you're layering products, but naturally that lead to a whole other spiderweb of research. So then it became a choice between the Collagen 100 and the Peptide 500. Oh and the Placenta 45. Wait, what? At this point I was pretty deep in the product black hole and had a moment of suspended disbelief, like, "Well maybe placenta translates to something else in Korean. Or maybe this is like the urea in the snail bee cream, like maybe it's lab created." But then I looked at the picture:

Look, even the baby is like, "Oh damn this is happening." And look, I can't read Korean (although I probably should by now), but I'm pretty sure I can translate the picture below. All the highlighted text says, "THIS IS PLACENTA THAT YOU WILL PUT ON YOUR FACE, THIS IS FROM INSIDE A PERSON'S BODY, WHICH THEN COMES OUT OF THEIR BODY, AND THEN GOES IN A BOTTLE, THEN YOU PUT IT ON YOUR FACE." As you can see, Korean words are much more concise than English. And the upper right venn diagram is like, "These are all things that are more appealing to put on your face than placenta."

I was so fascinated I Googled it to figure out if this actually is what it seems like, and if so, how the heck does this actually happen? I kept thinking I was missing something. Like when you think about genocide or something, how your brain is like, "This is a thing that happened but you, brain, will never fully grasp what it means that this is a thing that has happened. It exists in spite of your inability to process its existence." My brain was like, "I'm seeing that this is a thing but I can't understand that it is a thing so I need to find some context in this world to help me come to terms with it." And I could find NONE OF THAT. It is still a total mystery to me. However, I did find a Reddit thread that accurately articulated my feelings: "I swear at this point there isn't much that I wouldn't slather on my face. Placenta? Sure! Pureed pancreas from a rainbow unicorn? Bring that shit on!"

No I didn't, you guys. I drew the line and went with the Collagen. 

Oh but the samples! Can I just say I don't really understand samples because you're probably not going to be married to a product from using it once or twice (*cough* snail bee).

I'm wondering if there is a limit to how much snail one can put on one's face. Also, I'm sorry, but the Soothig Gel is out. Unless soothig is a word in Korean and it's not just a misspelling (note - I just misspelled misspell). 

Ok ok, how about some good old American products? I recently bought Benefit's new Roller Lash mascara. It is supposed to be amazing at curling lashes, which I could use. And it DOES! Is it completely amazingly life-changing? Not really. But is it good enough that I haven't used my eyelash curler since I bought it? YES! You be the judge. These pictures are after two coats on top, none on the bottom, a good four hours after I put it on.

If nothing else, I swear by this trick. Before you even start putting makeup on, stick your mascara in your bra. I'm serious. Your skin will heat up the formula and it's that much easier to get it to glide on with minimal clumpiness. Seriously!

Stay tuned for my review of Beaver shampoo and conditioner. Yeah I'd never heard of it either.