Sunday, December 6, 2015

New Stuff!


I have been waiting to write a post until I have some kind of theme. But I don't. So here are a bunch of tidbits. 

New mascara: I'm sure a lot of people do this, but I'll go a few years and start to reminisce about some product I used back in the day, and this time it was Diorshow Mascara. To be honest I recommended it to Jenna for her wedding and then borrowed it, and I was like, "Ooooh, this stuff IS good! I'm right AGAIN!" I still do like the Lancome Definicils, but it is pretty subtle. At the same time I bought the Surrat Beauty Relevee Lash Curler. In the past I have used the Shu Umera curler but I don't think they sell it in the U.S. anymore, and I need things IMMEDIATELY so I tried this new one. NOT A FAN! I think it is too flat for my eyes. Although, I have not been following their very explicit instructions: "Apply it as close to the lash line as comfortably possible and give it a gentle squeeze. Then, pull it out about a millimeter and give it another gentle squeeze, then one more millimeter and a final squeeze. That’s three gentle squeezes in total." Thanks Surrat. That is three squeezes. Incidentally, that's how Junebug and I start our days. Nonetheless the packaging is very serious.

Oh a nice box. Very nice.



I see, it's a sleeve! A fancy cardboard sleeve with a nice box inside. Seems unnecessary, but sure. 



YOU GUYS ARE YOU KIDDING ME?


This eyelash curler is not messing around. Anyway, here's some pictures:

1. No makeup or anything. Except yes, I did just get my eyebrows threaded for the first time ever, thank you for noticing! 



2. Here I have this undereye concealer on. I'm still desperate for a good undereye concealer! I saw these two pictures side by side and was like, ooh actually that's pretty good. And then I realized the lighting was different. Do you know how difficult it is to take four eyeball selfies in a row with minimal deviation? 


3. Curled and mascaraed. Blogger is telling me mascaraed is a word so I'm going with it. Not bad, right? I'm not a fan of the Surrat curler compared to the Shu Umera one, but it's definitely better than nothing.


4. Two coats of mascara. Arguably worse than #3, somehow. 


So while I really like the effect of the Diorshow mascara, what I REALLY love is that it doesn't clump. It does not clump! Neither #3 nor #4 involved me combing at all. This is so key for me, because I am lazy and adding an extra 30 seconds to my makeup routine to comb out clumps is unacceptable. But seriously, when mascara clumps sometimes there's just no undoing it, and then you blink and it's up on your eyebrow, then you try to get that off and just smudge it across your nose, and next thing you know you look like Bert from Mary Poppins.


Maybe that's just me.

What else is new? After some serious raving by my BFF Kyle (not myself) I bought this Josie Maran Coconut Water Cheek Gelee in Pink Escape. Very sheer and dewy, and more staying power than you'd think from a gel. Two thumbs up!

I also recently bought Living Proof Dry Shampoo and the Curl Defining Styling Cream. The jury is still out on the styling cream but I DO like the dry shampoo, and it probably is the best I've used. But, I just don't know if it is good enough to justify the cost. And as with most dry shampoos, it goes really quickly. Then again, I haven't washed my hair with water in six weeks, so... (Note - this is a joke. But could very easily not be a joke.) Speaking of curly hair I bought a microfiber towel for my hair, because supposedly the loops on a regular towel will frizz up your hair. I bought mine from Aquis. Really I'm just desperate for something that will help air dry my hair faster, and if my hair looks better then I'll take it! It actually says to just wear the towel until your hair dries, but I'd literally be wearing it all day I think. As it is it takes it at least 8 hours to dry completely. Any curly haired gals out there ever try the plop method? Every time I try I fail miserably and abandon it in frustration. The one time I did get it secured Russell laughed at me so much I took it out. I mean, I get it. I did look like Toad.


Now for my favorite part of any day ... things that I hate! Sally Hanson Miracle Gel. I do NOT understand this stuff. It doesn't work, on any level. Zero claims are accurate. It's not super shiny like gel, and it doesn't last any longer. So basically it's exactly like any normal nail polish as far as I can tell. I've even watched YouTubes on how to apply it - that's how sure I was just not understanding how to do it. I want so badly to like this stuff but I just don't, and I'm furious at Sally for even trying to pretend this stuff is anything other than the poser it is. 

Tidbits:

1. One of my favorite food bloggers, who I think I've mentioned before, posted her November beauty favorites. This girl is a total product junky so I love her lists. 

2. We can go off script, right? Two major denim recommendations. First is for the short ladies in the crowd. Anything Pilcro! These have a regular length option too but the short is the perfect length on me. This may be the only pair of jeans that I don't feel like I need to hem or tailor in any way. I discovered these when Carey got me an Anthropologie gift card and instructed me to only use it on Pilcro jeans. I'm not sure that's how gift cards work but I'm glad I listened! Also I love love James Jeans, but I do have to hem them. I have a few older pairs in bootcut (so like, really old) and finally bought a new pair after one of them split right in the crotch (RIP). It's a tough sell (buy?) because they are pricey, but they are worth it. 

3. Lastly, Amanda wrote about these a while back and I just have to circle back to it: Wet'n'Wild MegaSlicks Balm Stain. I bought one, put it on at home, and promptly dropped it behind the toilet. But it's ok because they're like $2.00 each so I just bought another one, like a boss! 

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Crowd Sourcing

HELP! I have $100 gift card to Sephora what do I get WHAT DO I GET?

Saturday, August 22, 2015

TAN! Addendum

Kat, your comment on the previous post reminded me I totally neglected to talk about face tanning, so I want to tack that on here! But first, to answer your questions:

1) I use the Dark Bronzing Sunless Mousse, and ALWAYS with a mitt (I think I use this one). I am sure the other Tanwise products would be fine but the mousse is dark, so you can see where you're putting it, and it's easy to put on with the mitt. I just squirt a little bit onto the mitt and then kind of apply it in long stripes, then buff it all together. I've found I can get my back by myself by flipping the glove around on my hand so the fuzzy applicator side is on the back of my hand. I'm realizing as I write this that all this time I've thought that works just fine but in reality I don't know that I've ever gotten a good look from that direction, so I could be doing a horrible job. Whatever, ignorance is bliss. It is definitely an acquired skill though.

2) I find I'll go a good 5-6 days before I reapply it, but I like to let it fade a little so I'm not constantly building it up and going overboard. Plus I'm lazy. But like right now, I think I put it on last Sunday, and just today was like, "Yeah probably should put more on." I usually stop applying it right at the top of my wrists so I can tell when my wrists fade back to the same color as my palm it's time to reapply.

3) Not a question but I want to point out again what you said - this stuff WILL stain your sheets. I put it on at night, noodle around in my bathrobe for an hour or so, then put on full pajamas so I expose as little skin as possible. Even when I do that my sheets pick up color. The good news is it washes out for the most part. The bad news is, after a full season of this building up, your sheets will probably be permanently stained. However, I always use light colored sheets, so on dark sheets you probably would never even notice. I typically see color on the fitted sheet right around where my belly is - I'm guessing my shirt rides up while I'm asleep. I just realized this is a good excuse to buy footie pajamas!


Kind of joking, kind of not joking.

4) I HAVE used it on my face. I put a little bit in my palm (no mitts) and mixed it with the moisturizer I use at night, and it worked just fine. But that leads me to my original point that I neglected to talk about in the last post.

I actually use an entirely different product on my face! I use Clarins Radiance-Plus Golden Glow Booster. It's serum texture with an eye dropper type of top, so you can control how much comes out. You just put a few drops in your hand, mix it with your regular night-time moisturizer, and apply it like normal. You definitely have to be careful to make sure you're getting all places you might not think about with just lotion - eyelids, the outer edges of your lips, ears, hairline. I use this method just on my face and use the Tanwise up my neck. I actually am going to instead start extending it down to my collarbone because I noticed I'm getting this darker line just underneath my chin where the Tanwise stops and the Clarins begins. Luckily, at 5'3", no one other than Junebug can see underneath my chin. The whole thing can be really tricky though, I've definitely gotten out of sync and wound up with a tanner face than body, or vice versa, but I really like the idea of being able to use my normal face products with another product presumably formulated for your face as well. The thought of essentially body lotion on my face scares me, but like I said, when I had to use the Tanwise in a pinch it worked just fine. The sweet spot seems to be the Tanwise a couple times a week and then two drops of the Clarins every night. Also, if you wake up in the morning and your face is too light, you can just use it that morning and hopefully even out by the afternoon. The good news is I have never noticed this stuff leaving any color on my pillowcase, so that is something. It is expensive for the size, but the one I bought last year got me through the whole season so unless you're constantly slathering yourself in tanner I think it's cost effective. You have to thoroughly wash your hands afterward though, or you'll wind up with this:


Hopefully without the wonky dislocated pinky from 8th grade basketball. IT WASN'T EVEN DURING A GAME.

Then you have to be cognizant of keeping product on the back of your hands while washing your palms and between your fingers (hmm I just thought - I'm going to try baby wipes and see how that works).

Also, I noticed that the blogger who originally introduced me to Tanwise has done a Q&A on it, if you want to read that. Here's the post where she originally talks about Tanwise, and she has a great before and after picture of a super pale friend (right there with you girl).

Friday, August 21, 2015

TAN!

I have enough data to report back on the St. Tropez In Shower Gradual Tan! Here we go:

Pros:
1. The smell is really not bad at all! I have such a thing with smells, and this one didn't bother me at all. Not only did it not really smell like tanner, but the smell that it did have was really subtle. I didn't even notice it throughout the day, which is a really big deal to me.
2. It really is pretty simple to just slap it on and wait three minutes. I learned the hard way not to put it on while my hair was wet, though, because then I wound up standing awkwardly in the shower with my head upside down for 180 seconds.

Cons:
1. The bottle is kind of thin and unstable, so it's easy to knock over. It's also a very slippery plastic so it kept squirting out of my hand and across the bathroom. That sounds silly but I had some issue with the bottle pretty much every time I used it.
2. For the price, it's not very big, and you have to use a lot of it, so it goes pretty quickly.

But the biggest con? IT DIDN'T WORK! It straight up did not work. I used this stuff religiously for a few weeks and never got anything more than a slight tint that only made me look vaguely dirty. I kept thinking I looked familiar but couldn't put my finger on it, until I finally realized I looked like this picture Carey sent me of my 20 month old niece playing in the dirt. I tried different techniques and everything! No success. Just dirty toddler.

I am actually not super surprised. I got an airbrush tan the night before my wedding and woke up the next morning and NOTHING! I was really upset! I kept trying to tell myself that I was actually tanner, but because I was so pale to begin with I was now just ... less pale. Not tan. Just slightly less pale.

Anyway I JUST NOW read that some people suggest actually toweling off and then using it per the instructions, rather than putting it on in the shower when you're damp, like it says to. So in the name of science I will try it again.

Meanwhile I went back to Tanwise, to restore my sanity. A palate cleanser, if you will. And just for you, I took a few pictures so you can actually see what I'm talking about. I took these at the same time of day in the same place to make it as accurate as possible.

Day 4. Pale with a sort of dirty tinge. Reminiscent of a grubby toddler (sorry Carey, she's a grub).


Day 5. Yes, this is the day AFTER day 4. I am somehow not only not getting tanner, but I am actually regressing. I soothed myself by convincing myself I am a wonder of nature.


Back to Tanwise. Aaaaaaah! Much better. Cuter shoes too.


So my recommendation still stands. $13 Tanwise for life!

Speaking of tan, I also have a cheap bronzer to recommend: NYX Matte Bronzer. $9. Boom.

Friday, July 31, 2015

Birchbox Reviews!

I have some new exciting things to share! Correction ... I WILL have some new exciting things to share. Because I just bought everything ever.

But seriously, I have a relatively strict rule with myself to finish a product before I buy something to replace it, unless the current product is a real disaster. Then if I really do want something badly enough I make myself wait for at least 24 hours before buying it, which actually works well. It's not as exciting, but I find I definitely do come out of a fugue by the next day and decide not to buy something I TOTALLY NEEDED the day before. This rule applies to pretty much everything I want to buy, which is how I wound up not being the owner of these shoes. Even my fabulous, young, hipster hair stylist was like, "Kyle, no." Argh, now I want them again! Ok, 24 hour clock starts now.

Anyway, my point is that I'm almost all the way through my snail cream! I bought some more but a different brand. The brand I bought last time is actually not the same as the sample I got, which originally introduced me to snail cream, but it got rave reviews. I liked it, but liked the sample better, so I've ordered that. And if you'll remember, the sample also had bee in it. So, snail + bee > snail alone. Science.

Also, remember that part 5 seconds ago where I said I try not to buy a new product to replace something I already have? Yeah that didn't work today; I bought St. Tropez In-Shower Gradual Tan. But I DID apply the 24 hour rule and still wanted to try it, so I got it. It was a classic case of reading some blog or magazine article reviewing a new product and utterly needing to try it immediately, although now I have no idea what or how credible that article was. But if someone on the internet likes it, it's new, and there is a wait-list in Europe, I NEED IT. I still stand by my Tanwise but it is tedious. It takes about 20 minutes to apply every few days (allot 18 minutes of that twisting and bending to reach the middle of your back). I just don't have the time! (Note - that is a lie.) But three minutes in the shower sounds so simple! So, refer back to my second sentence, because I have absolutely nothing to say about it yet, but I am excited.

In the meantime, I wanted to review some of the things I've gotten in my Birchbox. Birchbox is one of those services that sends you a little box of products every month, tailored to your preferences. I love it! I've subscribed for maybe six months? It's so exciting to get that little box on the doorstep every month. I want to point out that the samples are generous. I've told some friends about it and a lot of people are under the impression you're getting one of those little foil packets you might get when you order something from Sephora or somewhere (you know, like my sample of Snail Bee Steam Cream. Snail ... Bee ... Steam ... Cream). BUT, not so. They're almost always substantial and I would say well worth the $10 a month. Strangely, the men's Birchbox costs twice that, and I can't figure out why. I know this because Russell subscribes to it, which I found out when I gleefully tore into a new box and found beard tonic. Now my bathroom looks like this:



And that's just the facial hair stuff.

Anyway, the stuff I get is hit or miss, as I'm sure it is with everyone. Here are my thoughts, in random order (as most of my thoughts are):

1. Beaver Professional Hydro Nutritive Moisturizing Shampoo and Conditioner: Love it, exclusively because it's named Beaver.

2. Beauty Protector Protect and Detangle: Not unless you want to smell like a My Little Pony. Overwhelmingly.

3. Cargo Swimmables Water Resistant Blush in Los Cabos: I love this! It is a very bright coral, which I would never buy for myself, so I'm glad I got it. It is very pigment-rich (is that a term?). A little goes a long way, which I found out the hard way but luckily I don't leave the house, so no one saw me looking like a clown. The only complaint I have is the packaging. It comes in a little tin and the cap is so difficult to get off! Even with my tiny nub fingers I had to leave it open and put it in a plastic bag to make life easier.

5. Dr. Jart+ Ceramidin Cream and Dr. Jart+ Ceramidin Liquid: These two are probably my favorites of all the samples I've gotten. SO hydrating. I was disappointed that a product I liked so much from the U.S. and not nearly as obscure and secret as the facial products I keep buying, but guess what. It IS Korean! Just more mainstream. I felt so validated! I'm not buying it YET because together they're quite expensive, and I really want to try the Benton cream again first. But, I would highly recommend either / both of these.

6. Jouer Luminizing Moisture Tint in Pearl: "Luminizing" is a gross understatement. I looked like the Tin Man.

7. Juice Beauty STEM CELL CC Cream in Natural Glow: I loved this as well! It did what I think the Jouer one was trying to do: it was very subtly glowy. Light coverage. Smells vaguely of celery salt. Worth it.

8. Paula's Choice Skin Perfecting 2% BHA Liquid Exfoliant: Ok this drives me crazy. BHA is salicylic acid. You can buy the same thing at the drugstore, it's called Stridex and $5.00. Right? I SEE YOU PAULA!

9. Stila Look at Me Liquid Lipstick in Bella: SUPER BRIGHT! And doesn't budge. You have to kind of dab it on and then get it situated really quickly because it dries right up and won't go anywhere. Which is great in the right situation! It is not great when you are going to a professional meeting; I spent the 20 minute drive there frantically scrubbing at it with my finger to try to tame it. Which meant I showed up looking like a toddler who got into mom's makeup. I don't know, maybe you're into that look.

And here is a photo of some of the Birchbox samples (not all stuff I reviewed), with a regular lip gloss toward the bottom for size perspective.


Next time I will write about the self tanner! Maybe I'll also write about how I asked the salesgirl at Bare Minerals what the difference is between the serum foundation and the gel foundation, and she said, "One is like a serum, and the other is more like a gel."

Thursday, May 28, 2015

Best Of / Holy Grail

I was thinking about how I am writing about all these fun new things but I haven't mentioned my tried-and-true products that I always buy or is something always come back to. They need a shout out too!

But first! I will mention my most recent fun new thing! My favorite beauty blogger is Maskcara and she featured it. I wholeheartedly trust this woman, and it's Japanese (the product, not Cara), so of course I was intrigued. But could I do it? Could I branch out from my Korean products and try a Japanese product? It's what is called a liquid exfoliant called Cure Natural Aqua Gel. Basically it's a watery gel that you apply to your face after washing and drying it, and rub it around like you would any normal soap or exfoliator. BUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT IS MAGIC. Your dead skin starts to ball up on your face. You can SEE and FEEL the dead skin coming off! Then once your face looks like a pilly sweater you rinse it all off and move along to the next step in your routine, and then strut around like you have a fancy secret. Then you have to show it off by making everyone who visits try it, as Mom and Jenna can attest.

I know what you're thinking. How do we know it's not just the product balling up? Well for one, it balls up less and less the more you use it, presumably because you have less dead skin. Two, if you use it where you have less cell turnover, like your inner arm, you don't get as much of a result. Three, let's be honest, I really don't know for sure, but I'm sold! I can't find an official website so I don't want to pretend I'm sure what the ingredients are, but multiple sources are indicating it's full of good stuff. However, I'm pretty sure it has some form of alcohol (you can smell it). I've seen on YouTubes and read a few reviews that says it does not contain alcohol, but I'm not sure that's true. But it's on the internet so it must be fact.


BUT YOU CAN SEE IT COMING OFF YOUR FACE! Here's a random YouTube with a demonstration.


So back to the "best of" section.

1. Cleanser: Cetaphil Gentle Skin Cleanser

It's true what all the experts say! Cetaphil really is ideal. No scent, very gentle, non-drying. Now it's important to note that I'm talking about the Gentle Skin Cleanser and NOT the Daily Facial Cleanser, which basically come in the same packaging. You can put it on your face and wipe it off like cold cream, which I love, in case you need to wash your face without water ... ? Which leads me to my next product.


2. Face wipes - Burt's Bees Sensitive Facial Cleansing Towelettes 

I like these because sometimes I don't want to put water on my face and the Cetaphil is all the way downstairs. But really, I use them to remove eye makeup so they're gentle enough that it doesn't sting. I mean, they're face wipes, what else can I say. Next!


Whaaaat, so weird, that's not the right picture! How did that get there? Here's the right one:


3. Lotion - Nivea In-Shower Body Lotion

I LOVE this stuff. I love the concept, even if it's a total racket and probably is the same formula as regular lotion. But you put it on IN the shower! 

I have used the Oil of Olay version for almost ten years, and Nivea just recently came out with its own version, which is even better. I promise, it really does make life easier. You're nice and hydrated and not scaly now that it's short season, and you're not sticky. That is the biggest difference to me - I have never found a lotion that doesn't leave you a little sticky afterward. Is there anything worse than trying to shoehorn on some skinny jeans after lotioning up? Is there anything worse than trying to shoehorn on skinny jeans, period? Is shoehorn a verb? You don't get that awful dampness with this stuff. So whether it's just good marketing or an actual unique formula, it's something that's worked well enough for me that I've used it for a decade and will continue to. My ONLY complaint is that the smell is very cloying. It's that sort of generic lotion smell, which can be nice, but it's very strong and sort of sweet. I use the "Very Dry" version. And speaking of shorts season ...


4. Self tanner: Tanwise Dark Bronzing Sunless Mousse

This stuff is a godsend. I no longer have to bring a purse full of sunglasses to pass around to friends and family when I attend a BBQ. It is also courtesy of Maskcara, so her recommendations are 100% as far as I'm concerned. I always buy it from Sally Beauty (which, incidentally, has been hit with two data breaches in the last year, sooooo perhaps I'll suggest Amazon instead). You MUST also buy a mitt though, there is no way to apply this stuff with your bare hand. You will look absurd. Trust me on this one. It's easy to apply, once you get the hang of it, and it goes on dark so you can see where you've put it. The one downside is you will look like a patchy bronze monster directly afterward
because of that immediate tint, but a few hours later you wash it off and underneath is the glowiest of glowy glows you could ever ask for. Because it's so strange looking at first I always put it on at night, then put on full PJs to try to minimize staining on my sheets, then wash it off in the morning. And yes, it WILL eventually stain your sheets after a while, but I honestly don't know of any tanner worth its salt that won't. Anyway, you'll wake up and see your bronze-monster-self and go, "What did I doooooo?!" and then you will get in the shower and see all the color swirling down the drain and go, "Where is it goooooing?!" but then you step out and tada! Glowy McGlowerton from Glowingtown.


5. Hair Stuff - Oribe Dry Texturizing Spray

This is the only product on my list that's pricey. It's hard to even explain! I think it's pretty similar to the Big Sexy product Amanda described a few posts back (sidenote - this reminds me of a thief apprehended a few months back in Alexandria who goes by the name Fat Nasty. He was busted after a string of burglaries when he stole some ice cream and left his prints on the freezer. I am not making this up.) Anyway, this stuff is sort of like a colorless dry shampoo that kind of just roughs up your hair and makes it feel a little dirty. So yes, I wash and condition my hair and then put expensive product in it to make it dirty again. It's not greasy like dirty hair is though. It's more powdery. It just gives it a little hold that is sort of like hair spray but not sticky in any way. But it helps give you that texture-y, choppy feel that helps if you're going for the chic-messy, undone ponytail / bun look. The one that Amanda has totally mastered, incidentally! Did any of that make sense?


And now I have to go, because Fat Nasty reminded me of ice cream, which reminded me we have some in the freezer. Hahahaha just kidding I was thinking about it all day anyway.

Sunday, May 3, 2015

Snail Bee

Ummm. I bought the snail bee cream. I totally went for it. The sample felt like butter and smelled like what I can only imagine snails smell like. Maybe toasted snail. But the cream itself was fantastic. It held moisture better than anything else I've tried, I swear. I was bummed when the sample was all out! So I once again found myself swirling down the Korean product spiral.

But let's back up so I can talk about another one of the samples I got in that package. It was one of those full sheet face masks that looks scary and aggressive. Fancy right?



It's really just a paper towel type thing marinating in whatever solution was in the envelope (full disclosure - I'm not sure what was in it and I was equally willing to put it on my face). Don't I look thrilled?


I'm putting it all out there for you guys. This is how you know I love you. I started laughing looking at myself and the sheet started to slide off my face so this is me trying not to smile. I also considered creeping up on Russell while he was sleeping and scaring him but I figured that was a good way to get karate chopped in the neck. 


Yeah I think that was the right call.

Ok so back to snail bee. I did some research on where to buy Korean products because as much as I'm joking around about it I did want to know a little more about what I was getting into. There are a few online stores operated here in the US - I looked at SokoGlam and Peach and Lily which had the products I was looking for. Apparently Urban Outfitters sells a lot of Korean products too! But I wound up going back to the shop I used actually in Korea, W2Beauty. Their prices are better and there's free shipping to the US ... somehow ... so I put my big girl pants on and waited an extra week or so in exchange for paying half as much. HALF! And as far as I can tell that's not an error in exchange rate. As far as I can tell, I said. So far. 

The snail bee cream I actually bought is not the same as the sample. Instead, I read some reviews and wound up buying a well-known brand called Mizon Multi Function Formula - All in One Snail Repair Cream. Just for context, I paid $20.19, while Peach and Lily charges $38.00. Also, I like to read the name not as "All in One" Snail Repair Cream, but rather as "All in One Snail" Repair Cream. These are special snails, people. 

As I keep reading it seems as though Koreans use so many products - as in, 10-14 every morning and night - because each product has a specific purpose, rather than all the multi-purpose products we see in the US. Which totally contradicts the idea of the "All in One" cream I bought, and further supports my hypothesis that it's really all in one snail. Anyway, I decided to also buy a serum by Mizon, because I've also read that it's better to stay within one brand if you're layering products, but naturally that lead to a whole other spiderweb of research. So then it became a choice between the Collagen 100 and the Peptide 500. Oh and the Placenta 45. Wait, what? At this point I was pretty deep in the product black hole and had a moment of suspended disbelief, like, "Well maybe placenta translates to something else in Korean. Or maybe this is like the urea in the snail bee cream, like maybe it's lab created." But then I looked at the picture:


Look, even the baby is like, "Oh damn this is happening." And look, I can't read Korean (although I probably should by now), but I'm pretty sure I can translate the picture below. All the highlighted text says, "THIS IS PLACENTA THAT YOU WILL PUT ON YOUR FACE, THIS IS FROM INSIDE A PERSON'S BODY, WHICH THEN COMES OUT OF THEIR BODY, AND THEN GOES IN A BOTTLE, THEN YOU PUT IT ON YOUR FACE." As you can see, Korean words are much more concise than English. And the upper right venn diagram is like, "These are all things that are more appealing to put on your face than placenta."


I was so fascinated I Googled it to figure out if this actually is what it seems like, and if so, how the heck does this actually happen? I kept thinking I was missing something. Like when you think about genocide or something, how your brain is like, "This is a thing that happened but you, brain, will never fully grasp what it means that this is a thing that has happened. It exists in spite of your inability to process its existence." My brain was like, "I'm seeing that this is a thing but I can't understand that it is a thing so I need to find some context in this world to help me come to terms with it." And I could find NONE OF THAT. It is still a total mystery to me. However, I did find a Reddit thread that accurately articulated my feelings: "I swear at this point there isn't much that I wouldn't slather on my face. Placenta? Sure! Pureed pancreas from a rainbow unicorn? Bring that shit on!"

No I didn't, you guys. I drew the line and went with the Collagen. 

Oh but the samples! Can I just say I don't really understand samples because you're probably not going to be married to a product from using it once or twice (*cough* snail bee).



I'm wondering if there is a limit to how much snail one can put on one's face. Also, I'm sorry, but the Soothig Gel is out. Unless soothig is a word in Korean and it's not just a misspelling (note - I just misspelled misspell). 

Ok ok, how about some good old American products? I recently bought Benefit's new Roller Lash mascara. It is supposed to be amazing at curling lashes, which I could use. And it DOES! Is it completely amazingly life-changing? Not really. But is it good enough that I haven't used my eyelash curler since I bought it? YES! You be the judge. These pictures are after two coats on top, none on the bottom, a good four hours after I put it on.





If nothing else, I swear by this trick. Before you even start putting makeup on, stick your mascara in your bra. I'm serious. Your skin will heat up the formula and it's that much easier to get it to glide on with minimal clumpiness. Seriously!

Stay tuned for my review of Beaver shampoo and conditioner. Yeah I'd never heard of it either.

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Best Drugstore Mascara

I just wanted to give a shout-out to another drugstore product that I love.  It's Physicians Formula Sexy Booster Cat Eye Collection Mascara in Ultra Black.  It's simply an awesome mascara--- lots of volume and lengthening.  Minimal flaking.  I think it costs around $8.00.  Available at CVS.

Also a really fun thing about it is that the packaging is RIDICULOUS. 



Yes, it has: 1) fake red lace; 2) swirlies covered in red velour flocking; 3) a black satin bow; and 4) a cheesy silver high-heel charm.  It's basically packaging designed by Frederick's of Hollywood (RIP). 

Plus, this mascara smells like vanilla.  Why??  Who knows.  I fervently pray that I never meet anyone who wants to get a good sniff of my eyelashes.

Monday, April 13, 2015

Those Wet n Wild Lip Stains, and the Best Hair Product I've Found in 2015

Hi lovelies!  Just wanted to follow up with you about those awesome Wet n Wild lip stains.  The full name of the product is "Wet n Wild MegaSlicks Balm Stain Moisturizing Lip Color," which is a mouthful.  As I mentioned before, they cost $2.99, and they are kind of my favorite lip product ever.  And I have tried basically all of the lipsticks out there-- high end, drugstore, what have you.  The qualities that I'm looking for in a holy grail lip color, which these totally have, are: 1) long-lasting; 2) won't kiss off on my baby, my husband, or any of the other people who I kiss regularly and don't give me the side-eye when it comes to physical contact or affection, ahem; 3) a range of pretty colors, preferably that are sheer-ish with a texture that isn't too cake-y. 

I have tried SIX of the existing range of twelve colors because, as I mentioned before, these things cost $2.99.  So I could get one Nars lipstick or six Wet n Wilds. 

Just a forewarning, the color names are insane.

THE HITS are:
"Red-dy or Not" (sheer medium-toned red)
"Rico Mauve" (a your-lips-but-better pinky mauve)
"Lady and the Vamp" (looks scary in the tube, but is a very pretty sheer berry)

THE MAYBES, DEPENDING ON YOUR SITUATION AND DESTINATION are:
"See if I Carrot" (sheer coral/orange, good maybe for the beach or summer)
"Caffeine Fix" (a really natural tan/pink -- I just like a more dramatic look, but it's a pretty color)
"Red-ioactive" (this color is CRAZY-- it looks red in the tube but is bright neon pink/red-- I kind of love it, but it requires a very specific outfit and styling)

It's not at all drying, the balm part wears off after a few hours, but the stain lasts a very long time. 

TL:DR -- everyone should buy this product.

**

Now for the hair product recommendation.  I just discovered Big Sexy Hair Powder Play Volumizing & Texturizing Powder.  Has anyone else used this?  It's awesome.  It's NOT a budget-friendly product.  You get a tiny little container for like $16.  But it does seem like the container will last a while; you use just a little bit at a time.  It's kind of like a dry shampoo, in that I use it on my roots on day-two or day-three hair, and it makes them way less greasy and gives a ton of good volume.  You just sprinkle it on, and then kind of scrunch it in.  Also, it's a white powder, but it blends in pretty instantly.  It's a game-changer for slightly dirty hair.

Friday, April 10, 2015

In case it wasn't clear in my first post, I am a slave to beauty trends. Most recently I've jumped on the Korean product bandwagon. I read some blog somewhere while noodling around the internet that raved about this SU:M37 Miracle Rose Cleansing Stick so I immediately bought it. As in, didn't do anymore research, didn't really think about it critically, just immediately sent my credit card number to someone in Korea. Which is a totally reasonable reaction to reading some blog I can't even remember at this point, especially being a subject matter expert in data privacy and security. So you can imagine my relief when I received a confirmation email in broken English with a smiley face after every sentence.

Whatever, I'd do it again.

Naturally it took about six weeks to get here, after apparently getting stuck in Seoul for a couple weeks. Have you guys tried to navigate the Korean postal service's website? I think that I did, but in reality I'm not convinced the site I kept using was indeed KPS. Luckily, it wound up popping up in New York so I was able to track it from there. I came home on Saturday full of anticipation and found a "sorry we missed you" notice from the post office. WHAT? I have to SIGN for a SOAP? ARGH! And of course I couldn't do that until Monday, so I just went online and scheduled it for re-delivery.

Was it delivered Monday? Nope. So I called USPS and waited on hold for a thousand minutes until someone answered, and the most she could tell me was that she could also see that I had, in fact, rescheduled delivery. "Do you know where it is though? Can you see if it got lost?" I asked. To which she responded, "No, this is just a call center." What? So it literally is just a call center, it is a center where calls go.

Anyway, I re-rescheduled delivery for the next day, knowing full well it wasn't going to show up. Then I call my post office four times and don't get an answer four times, so I did the logical thing and creepily hovered around the front door the next day. Finally the mail is delivered and I run out the door, chasing after the mail lady like a mad woman. Even better, she had headphones in so she didn't even realize I was chasing and yelling until she turned around at my neighbor's door and I was a foot in front of her face like:


Naturally she didn't have my package, so I put my lazy buns in the car and went to get it. 

Once I got home I tore into the box and oohed and aahed over the packaging in all its Korean glory. And the samples! Let's see what I got:


Ooooh Benton! Since 2011! But ... what is it? What do I need to do with this? TELL ME HOW TO PUT THIS ON MY FACE AND I WILL. 

Luckily the back of the package explained it all to me:


Ah, yes. Of course. Snail bee steam cream. Snail bee. Steam cream. Of course I Google this mess and find out that YES. There is SNAIL MUCIN in this cream as well as BEE VENOM. Oh, and it also contains urea. You know, that stuff in pee. However, according to this blog I just found, "The urea contained in skin care products like this one is actually synthetic, which means there is no pee in this, or any other face cream." And I trust this assessment, because it comes from a blog I found when I Googled "snail bee." 

But seriously, I'll still put this on my face. 

So back to the actual product that I ordered and waited a month for. It is, more or less, a stick of soap.


A very pretty stick of soap! I eagerly opened it and only then did I conveniently recall that I do not particularly like the smell of roses. I'm not sure why, I know it's pleasant, but every time I smell it I feel like I can taste it. And roses taste bad, according to my nose. What?

Anyway, it does smell like roses, but not cloyingly, so it doesn't bother me. Of course I wanted to try it right away, to allow for the wizardry to begin. But I realized I wasn't exactly sure how to use it. Was it like a cold cream? Do I cover my face with it or just smudge a little here and there? Am I scrubbing or patting? Luckily the box had detailed instructions. 


Unluckily, they were in Korean. But I think I've got the idea here:

1. Put a bagel on my head.
2. Smell hands
3. Hold product
4. Apply product
5. Deeply smell hands

Anyway, I just treated it like a normal soap, just, you know, in a stick. What is kind of neat about this product is that there are ACTUAL ROSE PETAL bits in it, which kind of act as little exfoliators. The formula does definitely clean and moisturize well, which is a big deal to me. My skin dries out really quickly, and who needs eyebrow dandruff? But as far as it being the miracle it's hyped up to be? I really don't know yet. I've only used it twice. What did you expect? This whole blog is just a transparent excuse for me to listen to myself talk.

That said, please stand by while I slather myself with snail bee. In the form of steam cream. Snail bee steam cream. I'll report back.

Monday, March 30, 2015

Maiden Voyage

Here goes nothing guys! As soon as I set this thing up I froze up trying to decide what to review first! I finally decided to show my "minimal" makeup, meaning the very bare minimum that I put on even when I don't leave the house. Which is most days, as we know. I'm totally preoccupied with eye makeup, I think because my eyebrows can completely change my face from a reasonable, professional woman to a crazy cat hoarder (as in, a person who hoards cats, not a cat who hoards). That is to say, they get out of control very easily. Plus, as Kyle M. knows firsthand (?) they grow at two entirely different rates, so they need extensive individual attention. They're also SUPER WIRY so even if they're totally groomed they sort of choose what direction they will go on a daily basis. Sort of like when Junebug wakes up on the wrong side of the bed and her whiskers are bent all day. All the magazines telling me to get a brow pencil or shadow have clearly never met my eyebrows. Brow pencil does not work on steel wool. So I marched into Bluemercury and asked for something that would help define my eyebrows without making look like 80s Madonna. The salesgirl managed to find me a sort of brow tinted mascara type thing that I am now completely obsessed with, the Bobbi Brown Natural Brow Shaper. I seriously wear it on a daily basis.

 

In addition, I've had sort of a complex about dark circles ever since a [former] friend asked me, "How did you get those black eyes?!" Hrrmph. I've been using Maybelline's Instant Age Rewind Eraser in Brightener. I do like it, and it sort of tingles when I put it on so I like to imagine it's zapping away potential wrinkles, but it doesn't particularly stand out in the scheme of concealers. It's cheap and I like that the brightener has pink undertones to it, but I'd pay more if something better came along.

 
Lastly I just recently bought Benefit's "They're Real" Push Up Eyeliner. BECAUSE ALLURE TOLD ME TO.















I've ALMOST mastered liquid eyeliner and this one is definitely easier. It says it's gel but it feels more like an almost soft crayon type texture. But I've never used a gel pen before so maybe that's what they're all like. It's way easier to do a sort of cat eye, because I don't care what Lauren Conrad says (#byefelicia), it's NOT as easy as just doing a little wrist flick at the corner of your eye with liquid liner. To be clear though, I don't wear this stuff every day. It definitely takes some practice to not fall into the eyeliner struggle spiral:

 

Here, I even took a picture of my own eye with all three products. Do you guys understand how hard it is to take a decent picture OF YOUR OWN EYE? I hope you appreciate everything I do for you!

 

Friday, March 27, 2015